Sunday, December 13, 2015

Stoicism 202 - Dealing with insults

That book by William Irvine, A Guide to the Good Life' is a gold mine, with astute advice on dealing with fame, wealth, exile and here's my favourite, dealing with insults.

Most of us are particularly bad at dealing with insults. Our need for one-upmanship leaves us consumed with retaliation. Irvine presents an interesting perspective on insults though: he proposes that we try and categorize insults on a two-by-two grid.

On one axis, the insult giver can either be well informed or mis-informed.  On the other axis the content of the insult itself could be either true or false.

If the insult giver is mis-informed, we would be wise to ignore the insult for surely it is not worthy of further consideration. Walking away is usually the best recourse.

If s/he is well informed, but the content is untrue or out of context, we might want to address the situation by attempting to set the facts straight. This can only be done if we can communicate quietly, without anger, else the altercation can only escalate.

And finally if the insult giver is well informed and the content is true, then it is not really an insult but feedback. The best approach might be to inform the insult giver that the observation is valid and illuminating, and that we intend to start to work on the short-coming.

In either case, there is usually no value in getting worked up over being insulted.

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